You do not need a 12 step program or “fix all” pill. You don’t even need counseling to be able to look into yourself to see what it is you should do.
I have a simple answer for addiction healing….. Stop making excuses and holding their hand, it is called tough love! Stop being accepting of their “disease” or tell yourself that your love will make them want to change.
Face the fact that you have decided to stay because you have your own issues with self esteem (not because you love them)
They do not see what it is doing to the family..
Nope. They know exactly what they are doing, and they don’t care, it is just that simple. It is an exercise of selfishness and lack of sensitivity to others needs.
Picture every time they take a drink, shoot up or log on, that they are taking a pair of scissors to your marriage license, house deed or kids birth certificate. These are things that literally mean nothing to the addict because they see and feel only what gives them pleasure.
It’s a physical need for the chemical..
It has nothing to do with the lure of the alcohol or drug chemicals. It is the weakness of the person before the drink. An addictive personality means that a person for what ever reason is unable to receive joy in life and needs an external stimulus.
Same for drug addicts, computer game addicts even food addiction and sex addiction.
They have tried before to quit and it was too hard, I either have to leave or accept them…
Addiction treatment is easy, it’s the withdrawal symptoms that hurt, but more than the shakes, heart palpitations, sweats and uncontrollable vomiting, the real pain is looking into themselves and seeing the person for what they are, lost.
No amount of court ordered substance abuse counseling is going to make them love themselves, just like no one can tell you that you deserve better and you actually listen and believe if you do not feel it.
Note to the addict……
This is your chance to be what you were meant to be, a strong person, not a label, not just a drink, not just a shadow of what you once were. It is not ok to embrace a slow death in exchange for a moment to forget your pain.
My alcohol addiction treatment ?
Meditation: close your eyes and picture yourself in a dark room alone, so dark you can see nothing. As your eyes adjust to the darkness you start to see your hands, walk around touching the walls, feel the hardness and how cold those walls are.
After some more time you can now see your feet as you shuffle around the room feeling the walls for an exit. You know there has to be one; after all you had to have entered the room through a door.
After walking around the room a few times, feeling high and low your eyes are adjusted enough to notice all the pictures on the walls. Framed pictures of all your life’s pain; death, loss, abuse, and betrayal.
Look at each one individually and unhang each throwing the picture in the center of the room in a pile, hear the glass break, the frames
crack, telling yourself with each “This is not who I am, it is what made me stronger”
Repeat this phrase with each destruction of each picture until the walls are bare. Now step back and see the door that was hiding. And open the door to your family, your life, and your future.
This is not meant to be a quick fix or create a need to be sober instantly, rather repeating this meditation helps even the slowest learner to acknowledge “I am strong, I am worth it, I am alive” only after they can see that in themselves can he or she attempt to want better for themselves.